clothes should not be considered on sale if they’re still more than $20
I am not good at confrontation. Unless it’s the song from Les Miserables called “Confrontation.” I am great at “Confrontation.”
escalators are better than elevators because when escalators break they turn into stairs but when elevators break they turn into vertical coffins
white lips, pale face, im gay, outer space
if i have a daughter im going to name her lizard and then she’ll get the nickname liz and everyone will be like “oh is it short for elizabeth?” and she will have to say “no my name is lizard”
tip of the day don’t vacuum with ear phones in because i just finished vacuuming the whole house only to realise it wasn’t even on
She’s named you the official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer!
why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars when the ultimate star is me
if you wanna know where my priorities lie let me just say that i once skipped two finals and lost two letter grades on a research paper my senior year to go meet Gibby from icarly
I’ve never been more emotional about any social media post in my entire life
UPDATE: guys Beth Broderick tweeted yesterday that this Salem is THE SAME SALEM!!! He’s 20 years old man!!!! 20!
That Salem is still kicking is all I care about.
Student: can I please use the bathroom?
Teachers: why are you taking your bag?
This happened in my English class one time and the girl who was going picked up her bag as she got up and the male teacher just said “Put your bag down and go to the bathroom.” and without any hesitation she just said, “I need something in it there is blood coming out of my vagina.” He never made girls leave their bags again.